...thoughts...

spent last off day back in Jurong lazing around and disturbing Gerald. I haven't seen him for 2 weeks and he seemed to have grown quite a fair bit taller.

The drive back home and the walk around the estate seemed different. I wonder if it's me who have changed or is it the surroundings that have changed. Everything around seem to have a tad of unfamiliarity and strangeness. But home is still the same .. the familiar smell and love around seems all just the same. One thing I appreciate about my family is that there's alot of peace in our differences. I grew to appreciate that my parents never really quarrel in front of us the children. And they always look harmonious which I think they are ...

Going back home always give me alot of time to think about my life and what I really want. Somehow I think I've lost the part of me which I think I used to have .. that decisiveness and sureness and confidence in knowing what I really want. Maybe perhaps now it not just concern me .. maybe perhaps now I am really not so sure about things or maybe perhaps I am just contented with life right now. I just don't sense it.

What does moving forward means? To some, it's having a family. To some it's getting promoted in career wise and becoming a partner ... to some it's going on to be a specialist and maybe to some being a good mother. Everyone has their platform to move forward and become someone God has called us to be ... I need to find that platform. Somehow perhaps the platform is already there ... and I just need God to slowly lead me there .. enjoying the walk knowing that He is always here for me.

I see more salvations in my family this visit home. Just came to know that one of my nieces got saved and is attending church. My mum seems to be opening up(at least she talks about church openly now). I still stand firm and know that my family will be saved one day in God's special way. No eternal separation.

My 2nd bro wedding is about 2 weeks ago. Kinda reminded me of my wedding just about 3 mths ago. The preps and everything. I see him busy like a bee but I guess everything's worth it at the end of the day.

25 years have passed .. who knows what's installed for the next 25 years.